I really don't know what to blog about cause I have so much on my mind, and its all really cluster-fucked. Recently I've had a lot of feelings swirling around me, even though I've said that I wouldn't date again cause I keep getting hurt. Thing is that my ex from some odd years ago is back in my life, and yeah me and her have talked about it and shes said that shes not doing the whole online thing anymore, but yet I still have these damn feelings. And on top of that she told me the real reason why she left me, which I was really dumbfounded by cause I was completely oblivious to the fact that I was acting like that then, and when I think about it it makes me a hypocrite. Like seriously, here I am blaming her for it all, when it was really me who fucked it all up. And the more I think about it, I don't think I have ever broken up with anyone. They always broke up with me for some dumb shit that I did, not the other way around, and I don't change at all. I'm still fucking up, and its fucking everything up. I really don't want to beat myself up, but it seems like I need to.

 I am really lost right now, even as I type I don't know where I'm going with any of this. I'm pretty much just typing whatever comes to mind and its making me hop from this to that. I think right now I'm going to go on to bed, and then finish this up sometime tomorrow.