the final fight I win
|
|||||
entréesprofilamisparlezmémoires | |||||
why give up? why give in? it's not enough, it never is so I will go on until the end |
Break
Now Playing: Kanye West ft Lil Wayne - See You In My Nightmares Right now I'm going to take a break away from my 30 Day Challenge, just to address a couple things. A lot happened today, I mean yesterday, and made me really think a lot. As most of you know, I've been spending a lot of time on Stickam, and it has changed my whole mindset really. I've met a lot of cool people up there as well as some people who just grind my gears, and bring out the asshole in me. For the most part I have suppressed my anger towards some people, only for the sake of the ones I care about though. I also developed a crush on some people, and ended up somewhat hurting a very good friend of mine too [I'm sorry Jen]. I attempted a crush on my friend Skye, but ended that on my own before it even started. Simply cause I talk to her a lot, so she knows about all my crushes n such, so if I did start to like her, it would give me a bad rep. I'd be known as that guy who just hops from female to female, and I don't want that. And on top of that, she also had a couple guys chasing her, and before me, so it wouldn't be right for me to impede on that eh. In the end she is a really cool kid, and I enjoy talking to her and keeping our friendship strictly platonic. Don't worry Skye, I won't end up having a super crush on you lol. Last night I made a vow to stop being a dick to everyone starting today cause lets face it...I was/am a huge dick. Some people may not see it, but I am. [Now Playing: J.Cole - I'm Comin] So with that said, I'm done being a dick. I'm now here to keep the drama out of the room that I hang in, and thats that. I don't know how long this will last, but we'll see. I need to start on writing music more too. Like I feel that I really need to think about what I'm writing, rather than just jotting down some shit that makes no sense. Not that I'm trying to get a deal or anything, but trust me if it happens, then it does. I just have alot on my mind, and I think I need to put it to song just for the hell of it. [Now Playing: J.Cole - I Got It] Anyways I think thats it for the night/morning, so its time for sleep. I'm thinking I should get back to some normal sleeping like between 10pm-2am, rather than 6am-8am lol. Dueces On Thursday, July 29, 2010 at 29.7.10 My Crush
Now I don't know which way to go with this blog. I could go on about one crush I've had recently, but instead I'll talk about all 3. Mel Mel isn't just some random, who i just so happened to meet up with no sir. I have known this girl for many years, even though we didn't talk for a long while cause she went off n got married, and her husband said she couldn't talk to me. But then she came back, and all the feelings I thought I had killed for her, came back, and I don't know why. But I followed my heart, cause I thought it knew what it wanted, but it was all a lie. I ended up falling for the wrong person, and I'm sure its for the wrong reasons too. This went on for a good while, she told me everything I wanted to hear, hell I even listened to her tell me about all the other guys she liked. When it came down to it, i thought she was actually starting to feel me, and I loved it all, but that ended quick. She started pushing me away day by day, till it finally clicked in my head, that she didn't really want me, and I ended up leaving her alone feeling-wise. That wasn't to hard to do either. I took a weekend off from talking to her, and that was it. Jennifer This one here took me by storm. Honestly I never really expected to catch feelings for this one. This happened around the time that I realized that Mel was pushing me away, and I guess my heart took another course. Jen is a cool kid she really is. Shes cute, funny, smart, and I enjoy listening to her talk about her dates and all her ex's. She got me on to sleeping on cam n such, which was cool cause we'd talk for the longest before passing out. It fucked up my sleep schedule cause she lives in Cali and I'm in Va so by time she's ready to sleep, its like 4am her time which means its 8am my time. Shit was a killer, but I dealt with it for her. She ended up getting a boyfriend with this one guy, who broke her heart, and she called me crying on the phone while driving home, n I talked to her the whole time. Even after that I talked to her every time she cried from then on, and I didn't care that it was over another guy. And I'll admit, I did get a little jealous cause she started going on dates again, n I hated it, but I was somewhat satisfied that they didn't all work out. And then one day she got on cam, and she was on it with some dude. I had to leave the room, just so I wouldn't flip out on anyone, and on top of that my friends were telling me this n that was happening on cam, and so I didn't talk to her for the weekend either. She had asked me WHY I had stopped, n I lied. Told her I left the room cause I was lagging, and that I had never seen them on cam, cause she thought thats why I had left. Unless she reads this, she won't know. Skye Now this girl is just a big ol cutie hands down. I gave her the nickname Butter Pecan Puerto Rican, cause well...shes Rican duh. I wouldn't really call her a crush though. Honestly I wrote this about her cause she wanted to read my blog, so since I made her wait, she can have fun reading this when she gets a chance. Skye is a cool kid, and I enjoy talking to her about all her problems, and making her smile by acting a fool, which is majority of the time. Cept right now at [3:04am] cause idk what shes doing. she looks like shes staring off in space, but who knows. She lets me grope her too ;), or at least she doesn't tell me that I can't. I love her cause shes super el awesome-o, but I don't have a crush on her though....yet.....jk i wont have one on you On Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 28.7.10 Day 1
Honestly, idk who I really consider my best friend anymore. So many people have come and gone from my life recently, it's like I just consider them friends or associates and nothing more. Of course James, Jay and Alex are still considered my best friends/brothers, but I've grown somewhat distant with them since I moved it seems. I don't know if thats good or bad or w/e. I was actually hoping to have a best friend to write about, but in order to do that I really have to have one. Its more than just a title ya know. You can call anyone your best friend of course, but you must consider what it really means to call that person a 'best friend'. I see a best friend as someone who's been there through thick and thin, one who you can always run and talk to whenever and about whatever, and never get bored with them. Have I had people like that? Yeah of course, do I still? Hell I don't know. Some of my closest friends have strayed away from me for w/e reason idk. Am I mad about that? Yeah I am who wouldn't be, but as I've gotten older I realized that I shouldn't make a big deal about it like I have in the past. In all honestly, I miss Stephanie and Jaime more than ever right about now, only cause we used to be so close and now idk where we are. I mean they are there, but they aren't really 'there'. When it comes down to it, they are really the only ones that I would ever consider being my 'best friend', along with James, Jay and Alex. On Monday, July 26, 2010 at 26.7.10 No one ever tells you that forever feels like home....
So I'm starting to notice how she's starting to push me away bit by bit, without actually making it noticeable. So I'm thinking maybe I should just give up. Maybe that time we spent together as a couple years ago, was the ONLY time. This sucks that I really have no one to talk about this with other than myself, and I'm telling myself to just give up. Like don't even worry about it, it won't happen cause its not suppose to happen. Cause if it was, then it would have been done. But then part of me says not to lose hope or anything, n just let shit happen, and if anything happens then thats cool, and if not then thats cool too. I really don't know what to do. I told Darrius that I wasn't going to stress it, but it seems that I can't help it. I just want me and her to be US once again, and its like I'm right there but it's still out of reach. I don't know maybe this really means I should hope for the worst, rather than praying that things'll work. I need to stop thinking. On Saturday, July 10, 2010 at 10.7.10 The Nation
So I think we are about to get this music thing poppin off forreal. I'm trying to get everyone in the right mind set so we can do work, but I'm not trying to make this the main focus. I mean I got school n shit, and I'm about to be workin soon. Everyone else has work or other stuff other than music to be dealing with. So in the end this is like a side project. Like I said before, if something pops off, then it's w/e, but thats not the main focus. Anyways heres our roster so far: First we got me. Like I've rapped before of course, but that was years ago. Now my dudes that I rapped with are on to bigger things n such, like King is down in Hampton the last time I checked doing shit with some of the old fam. Grindin day to day n all that. I was never the hottest, nor will I ever claim to be cause I know for a fact that I suck, but it's w/e lol. Then we got Darrius. This dude has the potential to beast, and I know he knows it, and I'm going to unlock it....no homo. We got Kiona who is like our version of a Rhianna (I hope that doesn't offend her lol) and she can rap and sing her ass off, with her sexy ass accent. Woo lord lol. We got Dizzy who I'm sure has been in the game for a good minute, so he's like our second vet if you wanna say that lol. He and Darrius' sister Kia have done a lot of tracks together, but now she wants to be on the manager tip like wtf lol. Anyways shes still part of the group so its all good. Its nice to have 2 ladies with us just in case we want a hook done or something ya know. Lastly we have Kevin. I haven't heard much from him music-wise, but we shall see what he can do in due time....in due time. And I guess thats about it. Idk what else to blog about now. Sometime this week when I get a chance, I think I'll get to working on our Myspace page, and see if we get some hits and fans and see how that goes. But right now I need to head out since mom wants to go to the movies. LEGGO On Monday, July 5, 2010 at 5.7.10 You take the breath right out of me...
Sweet fancy moses, i swear I am head over heel's for this woman, and she hasn't done a thing to make me feel this way. Idk if its cause ever since we ended things some years ago, i just buried all my feelings for her deep in my heart, somewhat hoping to never see them again. But it didn't happen. Am I complaining? Fuck no I'm not, simply cause she knows how I feel, and one can only hope that she feels even the slightest bit the same way. Hell even if she didn't, I don't really care. Why? Cause I know the circumstances, and I also know that if I were to meet said circumstances, all would be well. I gotta try not to get ahead of myself though ya know. I don't wanna do anything crazy, and end up falling flat on my face. But like I said, I'll just hope that things work in my favor, without forcing anything on anyone. So I'm gonna sit back, and just be me and see where that leads. Yeah she lives no where near me, but she didn't before either, and it worked out for the most part. Well at least till....yeah. I told her that she was the only one I really wanted right now, so she wouldn't have to worry about me looking for anyone else. Look at me acting like I'm fucking 15 again, time to simmer down hold on. Okay I'm good. Why does it seem like I've been too busy to blog? And all that up there made me seem like a bitch, so excuse me for all of that lol. Lets see whats new with me....Well I've been doing a little music here n there, just cause I'm bored as hell. If something good comes from it, then so be it, but I'm not really looking forward to anything. Its just 5 of us right now(Me, Darrius, Kiona, Daniel and Kia) and we are called Leggo Nation. Yeah I know it sounds kind of silly, but fuck you okay lol. Me and Darrius came up with the name cause Jae Millz always says 'LEGGO' in his songs, so we were like "fuck it" and went with it. We may change it to something else if we do get further than we are now, but for right now this will do. I'd love to blog more, but its 6am, and I haven't been to sleep yet, so until next time. On Sunday, July 4, 2010 at 4.7.10 |
About me
derrick.22.gamer.geek.wannabe rapper.rock head. music addict. |
Affiliates
|
Shout out
|
By title
Break By month
February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 |
Layout by tuesdaynight / Image from xo |